Life as of Late

Well, it has certainly been a while since I last wrote on here. Things have been busy, but of course that's just another excuse. I'll be going to OSU in just a few weeks to work on a Computer/Electrical Engineering degree, and I could not be happier to get the heck out of BA. Things have just been really strained lately, and I just need a fresh start of sorts. I'm gonna do what I can to make amends on my mistakes at OU, and show that I can be the person many believe I can be. Though I'm not sure if I can clearly see that person yet. I still have quite a bit of development to do before I'm an actual adult.

Anyway, this past two and a half months have been probably the roughest of my life so far. I've been working 5 days a week as a lifeguard, while also taking 9 hours of class this summer. It's been busy to say the least. But not so busy as it seems. My biggest problem lately has been time management, though I am sure many, many people share my predicament. I also have been to the doctor about 12 times since the beginning of July. It started with a staph infection, leading to a bad reaction to the antibiotics to treat the staph, then I had a bout with iritis (inflammation of the iris) in my right eye. They then thought that the pain might be related, and ordered a series of blood tests to see if they could find anything. Great. Turns out I have an auto immune disease. No, not AIDS you silly people. It's actually the opposite. Where AIDS is a deficiency of your white blood cells, my auto immune disease is actually caused by my white blood cells overreacting, and damaging my body thinking that it is an external threat.

I'm basically stuck waiting now until August 16th, when I will see a Rheumatologist and probably get blood tested quite a bit more. So I won't even know what is wrong until I'm living in Stillwater. Awesome.

I'm gonna make quite the transition, and talk about something today that made me upset. I'd say it made me rage, but it was more sad than anger inspiring. Now I have never been a traditional "Christian" in the sense that I have a church that I call my home, and that I go to church every Sunday and that I know the Bible in and out. At times it is really hard to admit that to myself, but it is the whole truth. I have really been turned off by church due to a couple instances involving them in my life. I was having a really good time, but then college rolls around and I feel as though I was simply replaced by the new wave of kids coming into high school. I haven't really had a "church" since then, but it has never stopped me from calling myself a Christian. I do fit the definition, right? I believe in Christ as my savior, I believe in his teachings, and I fully believe he is God's own Son come to help me gain forgiveness for my sins. I pray regularly (though at times I still think it's not enough) and I try to fit my actions to something that I could be proud of in the eyes of God. Unfortunately I am not perfect, and not trying to use it as a crutch, I know there are many things that I can do better in my life. I have tried again to read the Bible often and to put it to memory. My scripture knowledge has always been pretty lacking, and it's honestly my own fault at this point. I have the Bible on my phone for goodness sake, I can't say I never have it on me. Yet still things come up.

Now I don't want anyone to take a hateful message from all of this; far from it. I just want you all to know that just because you aren't a person who has a church, who can recite the Bible with perfect accuracy makes you not a Christian. Now are you not living to your full potential? Most likely. I know without a doubt I am not. I am far too lazy and I procrastinate way too often to be at my full potential. I won't even get started on my video game habits. I just want you to know that you are not alone, and that I am always here for you as well. I don't care who you are. Even if I do not know you. Message me on here and we'll talk.

I guess that's all for now. I've still got quite a bit to think about, and I have some reading/studying to do for my trig test tomorrow. I'm going to get back into the habit of posting, so feel free to "follow" me or whatever. Thanks for your time.