Super 8

I just started to watch the movie Super 8, and barely 10 minutes in I just had to write this post. In the movie, the main character's mom dies right off the bat. Everyone remarks how the mother was the only real parent, and the dad didn't really know the son that well. I guess I've always kinda known it, but I really don't know my dad all that well. He lives with me, yet we don't talk much and don't have that much in common. The best times I remember with him were fishing tournaments when I was a lot younger (even though I would usually sleep most of the time), and when we played Super Nintendo together when I was 3. That was actually the reason I really got into playing video games. The memories of playing Super Mario world have never quite left me. It's a really big part of who I am honestly. I owe that to my dad, but after that things just became a lot more distant between the two of us.

When I made the marching band, it got even worse. I think my dad might have come to all of 3 events throughout my high school career. It always upset me a bit how he had time to go to all of my cousin's football/baseball games but not am hour or two to see me perform at OBA or any other competition. My mom was at all of my events save for a few regional and national competitions, and I have never blamed her for missing the far away trips. But my dad... He just never seemed to show any interest in the marching band thing. It's shown a lot more these past few months. I can't really talk to him about much and it makes things awkward. Tonight we had a little talk and he acknowledged that we don't talk much at all. I'm not really sure if there is a definite meaning to this post, or if I just subconsciously needed to get it out of my head. I guess that's for any readers to decide. (If I even have any, that is.)

On the medical front, I found out today that I have C Diff, a condition in which the bacteria in your stomach is mostly wiped out due to long term antibiotic usage, causing a virus that is normally killed by said bacteria to cause lots of intestinal problems. I've been dehydrated and in lots of stomach pain the past two days, but luckily it's not huge compared to everything else I've had this summer. Only a week until my specialist meeting and move in day, and I really can't wait. Though I'll have to get a job now after missing so much work from the arthritis episode, I know I'll still have lots of fun. I'm excited that I've gotten a lot closer to friends I'll see at OSU, and I'm still hoping I am accepted as a friend by them. (But then again that's just my self esteem talking and it hasn't been the greatest since I was a kid.) I just hate those nights (like tonight) where you know people are hanging and you don't get an invite. Childish, I know, but I can't help but feel like I'm in elementary school again. Those were times I was not fond of. But I know sometimes people just don't want to hang out with you.

I'm honestly trying to avoid falling into a depression until I leave. I think I've already hit that state around my parents, especially after today. Hearing that while your parents love you, they don't agree with any of your decisions and are just ready for you to leave so they don't have to deal with you doesn't really make someone that happy. In fact, it causes a lot of pain and longing to be away. I just don't know what to say to them anymore. I was mostly mute today, just sitting in my room. I'll have to get out and do something soon. Hopefully I can hang out with said friends and have my spirits lifted a bit. I want to make this a once a week thing at least so stay tuned if any of you are there. I'll talk to you all again very soon. Back to Super 8 for me.